is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
