I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
