Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
