I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
