I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
