This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You made out with two different species that night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
