he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
