Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
