i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
