Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
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