i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
