if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
