My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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