I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
