I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
