Porn is love you can see.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
