I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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