oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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