The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
