how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone signed my nipple.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
