he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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