So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
