you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
