She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Randomize
