We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
