So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
