I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
