after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
