i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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