Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize