the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
