were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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