so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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