i'm signing you up for texting rehab
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
