We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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