Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
