I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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