He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
