Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
