Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
