Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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