wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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