Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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