I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
