Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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