My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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