just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
