nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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