u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
