I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
