If that was your dad, he is hot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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