Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
