Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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