And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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