I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
