I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
