im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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