Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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