It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
