he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
