Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
