Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
