Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think i have two assholes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
