you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize