pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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