So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just invented taco cereal.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
