is your mom at the bar?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
